On Dasher!  On Dancer!  On, everybody else– we got to go!

1) Deciders vote

For those of you who have recently joined us (Hi, guys!), here’s a little info you will definitely not find tedious. Patrons who contribute $5 a month or more are called The Deciders, because every month they help me decide something.

In November, the decision was how to better motivate myself to submit fiction for publication.  I’ve been struggling with that for months, and needed a way to get back on the horse again.  So I wrote up some truly horrific options, and The Deciders did not disappoint me.

In a unanimous decision, they picked the very most awful thing on the list.  So until further notice, every day I don’t submit some piece of fiction for publication, I have to exercise 15 minutes.

Because exercise is literally the worst thing imaginable, I am doing everything I can to avoid it.  So every day without fail since this vote was finalized, I have submitted a story for publication.  In fact, I’ve been staying ahead, just in case.

So, thank you, Deciders.  Once again your cruel tyranny has saved the day.

2) Story of the month

Every month I also distribute a story to every patron who contributes $2 or more per month.  So a little later this evening I’ll be sending out “The Witch’s Child,” a fantasy story set in the same world as July’s “Long Pig” and last month’s “The Old Gray Mare.”

Timberlen is not a bad girl, no matter what the other children say.  So when they all find a strange creature in the woods, she knows a good girl should help, not hurt.  Of course, that means going to the scary witch’s hut.  What will it cost her to do the right thing?  

I’ve been playing around with these characters, in my head and on the page, for twenty years or more.  So I’m super excited to share this story with you.

I’m also excited to be sharing some awesome Bonus Content with you next week– including maps and other behind-the-scenes details.  Can’t wait!

3) Reviews

Thor : Ragnarok.  What a fun movie!  Chris Hemsworth was so beefy!  And funny!  And so was Hulk! And the Valkyrie was such a hilariously mean drunk that I hardly feel like making fun of her terrible costume for the last third of the movie!  Definitely buying it because I need to watch it a couple more times at least just to try to catch all the Easter eggs and hidden references.

But before we get further into what I loved about this film, I feel compelled to say that its portrayal of New Zealand as a lawless, post-apocalyptic garbage dump ruled by Jeff Goldblum struck me as somewhat removed from reality.  I wish they had consulted some actual New Zealanders before they made the film, because from what I hear from my Kiwi friends, there haven’t been riots in favor of blood sports there for several years now.

Okay, now on to more of my favorite bits.

• This is now officially my second-favorite Matt Damon movie, edging out True Grit.  (Ocean’s 11 remains at the apex.)
• Rock Guy and his pet bug need a role in every other Marvel Cinematic Universe film and TV series, including the ones they’ve already made.  Go back and re-shoot.  Put them in digitally.  Whatever it takes.  MORE ROCK GUY AND BUG.
• I loved how they just kept taking stuff away from Thor– his hammer, his cape, his hair, his eye.  And the more they stripped away from him, the better and tougher he got.  And I’m going to let you build your own life metaphor out of this, because that’s what the director trusted us all to do.  Quite a mark of respect, that.

I give this movie four and a half hammers out of five.  Which is the most hammers I’ve ever handed out.  And I would have awarded five if BETA RAY BILL had shown up in the flesh instead of in statuary. Six if he’d had a speaking part.

The Songs of Witchy Eye.  I’ve never reviewed music here, but I got this recently and just had to share my thoughts.

Listening to this album is a bit like listening to Tolkein read one of his poems in Elvish.  Which is to say, delightful.  Butler’s novel spins a tale from an American frontier that never was, populated with beast-men, mystical monks, witches, highwaymen, and flintlock heroes.  The folk songs and chants found here spring from the same world, and lend a richness that adds to the enjoyment of reading the book.

But even if you haven’t read the book (which you should), the music– alternately reverent and raucous– is worthy of a listen for its own sake.  In particular, the penultimate track, “O, Listen, Ye Fathers,” has the same rollicking, bouncy, dangerous vibe of Bob Dylan’s first experiments with electric guitar.  I also love the understated horror of the sudden lyrical turns to ruin and violence in “The Ballad of Peter Plowshare and Simon Sword,” which grows on me with every hearing.  Other notable tracks include “The Lion of Missouri,” and “Old King Andy Jackson.”

All in all, I give this collection of folk songs from an alternate Earth three rifles and one tomahawk.  Give it a listen.  Both the tunes and the lyrics will stay with you, and that’s all for the better.

4) News and updates

Starting this Wednesday (12/6), my debut novel, The Crown and the Dragon, will be available as one of 17 ebooks in the WordFire Press Super Showcase bundle offered through StoryBundle.com.  I’ve had a look at the lineup, and I’m honored to be included.

I’ll be sending out more details once this goes live, but I just wanted to let you know that this was coming.  Even if you’ve already got my magic unicorn princess book, this bundle has lots of other great stuff– and you choose the price.  So make sure and take a look.

Last word.  This deal is only available for a limited time.  (I believe the last day is 12/28.) So if it looks like a good thing to you, please help me spread the word.  Thank you!

5) Accountability

This was a really good month for me and fiction.  November is National Novel Writing Month, a kind of competition in which writers are encouraged to write a new book at least 50,000 words long, all in 30 days.  Well, I didn’t start a new book, and I didn’t get anywhere near the target, but I failed to success like a pro.

• New Words: I got almost exactly 10,000 words of new fiction out this month, plus another 3,600 words of blog posts here on Patreon.  So I’m continuing the trend of setting new personal bests.  (Not going to compare these totals to the numbers I put up back before the kids came.  That was a totally different guy.)
• Works Completed: Wrapped up two (almost three) chapters of The Mundanes this month, which feels good.  I also got a good ways into a story (PIPS) that I hope to finish up early next year during our next Patronapalooza.  So watch out for that.
• Submissions: As discussed earlier, I have been properly incentivized.  In October, I logged zero submissions.  In November (or really by the 27th, which is when this newsletter should have been out), I improved INFINITY PERCENT by submitting one story for publication.  Now, that percentage improvement is bound to come down just a bit this next month, but so far it’s still looking pretty good.  Stay tuned.

In sum: November was great.  December’s going to be even better.

Mille Grazie

We spent this Thanksgiving with my wonderful in-laws in Utah.  And looking out over those purple mountain majesties  (see the photo at the top of the post), I had occasion to think about how very, very lucky I am.

For one thing, I am married to the very best woman on the planet.  (This is fact.)  Our kids are all healthy and happy, and haven’t grown up enough to realize that I’m not cool.  (Although that time is not far distant.)

Also, I live in America, which is the greatest country in the history of the universe, no matter who happens to be bunking at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. at any given moment.  We are happy to have a beautiful home in New Mexico, which at every sunrise and every sunset seems determined to earn the moniker Land of Enchantment.

My folks continue to support and encourage me, and to believe that their son will soon be the next JK Rowling. (I’m working on my accent.)  More importantly, they taught me (and continue to teach me) what’s really important in life.

And on that note, let me say that I am thankful for Christmas.  I’m thankful for a time of year when we remember a little better that it’s better to give than to receive.  I’m thankful for the babe in the manger, and for the promise in the song the angels sang.  Peace on earth, good will toward men.

So, whether your stockings are hung from the chimney with care or balled up on the floor next to your laundry basket, I’m thankful for all of you– friends, family, fans, and well-wishers. And I hope you’ll join with me in trying to make this a season of love, service, giving, and gratitude.

Thank you, and Happy Holidays!

–JDP